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Family Life
A good home environment is one in which the child’s physical, cognitive, emotional, and social needs are adequately met. Sometimes families emphasize physical needs but ignore cognitive or emotional needs. Other times, families pay close attention to physical needs and academic requirements but may fail to nurture the child’s friendships with peers or guide the child toward developing healthy relationships. Parents might want to consider how it feels to live in the household. Is it stressful and conflict-ridden? Is it a place where family members enjoy being?
Family Change: Divorce
Much attention has been given to the impact of divorce on the life of children. The assumption has been that divorce has a strong, negative impact on the child and that single-parent families are deficient in some way. However, the research suggests that 75 to 80 percent of children and adults who experience divorce suffer no long term effects (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002). Children of divorce and children who have not experienced divorce are more similar than different (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002).
Mintz (2024) suggests that the alarmist view of divorce was due in part to the newness of divorce when rates in the United States began to climb in the late 1970s. Adults reacting to the change grew up in the 1950s when rates were low. As divorce has become more common, and there is less stigma associated with divorce, this view has changed somewhat. Social scientists have operated from divorce as a deficit model emphasizing the problems of being from a “broken home” (Seccombe &Warner, 2004). More recently, a more objective view of divorce, re-partnering, and remarriage indicate that divorce, remarriage, and life in stepfamilies can have a variety of effects. The exaggeration of the negative consequences of divorce has left the majority of those who do well hidden and subjected them to unnecessary stigma and social disapproval (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002).
The tasks of families listed above are functions that can be fulfilled in a variety of family types-not just intact, two-parent households. Harmony and stability can be achieved in many family forms and when it is disrupted, either through divorce, or efforts to blend families, or any other circumstances, the child suffers (Hetherington & Kelly, 2002).
Factors Affecting the Impact of Divorce
As we look at the consequences (both pro and con) of divorce and remarriage on children, keep these family functions in mind. Some negative consequences are a result of financial hardship rather than divorce per se (Drexler, 2005). Some positive consequences reflect improvements in meeting these functions. For instance, we have learned that positive self-esteem comes in part from a belief in the self and one’s abilities rather than merely being complimented by others. In single-parent homes, children may be given more opportunity to discover their abilities and gain the independence that fosters self-esteem. If divorce leads to fighting between the parents and the child is included in these arguments, the self-esteem may suffer.
The impact of divorce on children depends on several factors. The degree of conflict before divorce plays a role. If the divorce means a reduction in tensions, the child may feel relief. If the parents have kept their conflicts hidden, the announcement of a divorce can come as a shock and be met with enormous resentment. Another factor that has a significant impact on the child concerns financial hardships they may suffer, especially if financial support is inadequate. Another difficult situation for children of divorce is the position they are put into if the parents continue to argue and fight-especially if they bring the children into those arguments.
Short-term consequences: In roughly the first year following divorce, children may exhibit some of these short-term effects:
- Grief over losses suffered. The child will grieve the loss of the parent they no longer see as frequently. The child may also grieve about other family members that are no longer available. Grief sometimes comes in the form of sadness, but it can also be experienced as anger or withdrawal. Preschool-aged boys may act out aggressively while the same-aged girls may become more quiet and withdrawn. Older children may feel depressed.
- Reduced Standard of Living. Very often, divorce means a change in the amount of money coming into the household. Children experience in new constraints on spending or entertainment. School-aged children, especially, may notice that they can no longer have toys, clothing, or other items to which they have grown accustomed, or it may mean that there is less eating out or canceling satellite television, and so on. The custodial parent may experience stress at not being able to rely on child support payments or having the same level of income as before. This uncertainty can affect decisions regarding healthcare, vacations, rents, mortgages, and other expenditures. The stress can result in less happiness and relaxation in the home. The parent who has to take on more work may also be less available to the children.
- Adjusting to Transitions. Children may also have to adjust to other changes accompanying a divorce. The divorce might mean moving to a new home and changing schools or friends. It might mean leaving a neighborhood that has meant a lot to them as well.
Long-Term consequences: The following are some effects found after the first year of a divorce:
- Economic/Occupational Status. One of the most commonly cited long-term effects of divorce is that children of divorce may have lower levels of education or occupational status. This finding may be a consequence of lower-income and resources for funding education rather than to divorce per se. In those households where economic hardship does not occur, there may be no impact on education or occupational status (Drexler, 2005).
- Improved Relationships with the Custodial Parent(usually the mother): The majority of custodial parents are mothers (approximately 80.4 percent) and
19.6 percent of custodial parents are fathers. Shared custody is on the rise, however, and shows promising social, academic, and psychological results for the children. Children from single-parent families talk to their mothers more often than children of two-parent families (McLanahan and Sandefur, 1994). Most children of divorce lead happy, well-adjusted lives and develop stronger, positive relationships with their custodial parent (Seccombe and Warner, 2004). In a study of college-age respondents, Arditti (1999) found that increasing closeness and a movement toward more democratic parenting styles was experienced. Others have also found that relationships between mothers and children become closer and stronger (Guttman, 1993) and suggest that greater equality and less rigid parenting is beneficial after divorce (Steward, Copeland, Chester, Malley, and Barenbaum, 1997). - Greater emotional independence in sons. Drexler (2005) notes that sons who are raised by mothers only develop an emotional sensitivity to others that is beneficial in relationships.
- Feeling more anxious in their own love relationships. Children of divorce may feel more anxious about their relationships as adults. This anxiety may reflect a fear of divorce if things go wrong, or it may be a result of setting higher expectations for their relationships.
- Adjustment of the custodial parent. Furstenberg and Cherlin (1991) believe that the primary factor influencing the way that children adjust to divorce is the way the custodial parent adjusts to the divorce. If that parent is adjusting well, the children will benefit. This factor may explain a good deal of the variation we find in children of divorce. Adults going through a divorce should consider good self-care as beneficial to the children-not as self-indulgent.
- Mental health issues: Some studies suggest that anxiety and depression that are common in children and adults within the first year of divorce may not resolve. A 15-year study by Bohman, Låftman, Päären, Jonsson (2017) suggests that parental separation significantly increases the risk for depression 15 years later when depression rates were compared to matched controls. In fact, the risk of depression was related more strongly with parental conflict and parental separation than it was with parental depression!
Changing Family Structure
According to the 2010 U.S. Census, only 66% of children under age 17 lived in a household with two married parents, a decline from 77% in 1980 (U.S. Census, 2011). This family structure—known as the nuclear family—consists of married parents and their children. In recent years, there has been a noticeable rise in variations of the nuclear family, including families in which parents cohabit without being married; about 3% of children live with two cohabiting parents.
Same-sex parents also make up a portion of two-parent households. Over 30% of same-sex couples are raising children, compared to 43% of opposite-sex couples (U.S. Census, 2009). Among children in same-sex households, 73% are biological children of one parent, 21% are adopted, and 6% are a combination of both (U.S. Census, 2009). Despite some public concern, research shows that children raised by same-sex parents fare just as well as those raised by opposite-sex couples. A meta-analysis of 81 studies found no significant differences in parenting outcomes. In fact, children of lesbian couples were found to have slightly fewer behavioral problems and higher self-esteem(Biblarz & Stacey, 2010).
Single-parent households are also becoming more common. In 2010, 27% of children lived with a single parent, up from 25% in 2008. Of those, 23% lived with their mother and 3% with their father. Some of these children also lived with their parent’s cohabiting partner—10% in the case of single mothers and 20% for single fathers.
Stepparent families are another variation within two-parent households. About 9% of children in two-parent homes live with a biological or adoptive parent and a stepparent—most commonly a biological mother and a stepfather(70%). Family structure also varies by child age: older children (15–17) are less likely to live with two parents than younger children and are more likely to live with stepparents.
In some cases, neither biological nor adoptive parents are present. In 2010, 4% of children (about 3 million) lived with other guardians, including grandparents (54%), other relatives (21%), and nonrelatives (24%). This is often referred to as an extended family structure. Among nonrelatives, foster parents represent about a quarter. The rise in grandparents serving as primary caregivers is notable—about 9% of children live with a grandparent, and in nearly half of these cases, the grandparent is the primary caregiver, often due to parental incarceration, substance abuse, or abandonment (De Toledo & Brown, 1995; U.S. Census, 2011).
Changes in family structure raise important questions about their impact on children. Historically, children living with both parents have had greater financial stability and educational opportunities than those in single-parent households (U.S. Census, 1997). Marital status of parents appears to be a significant factor. Children of divorced parents tend to fare better than those whose parents never married, especially if they live with their divorced father. This may reflect broader patterns: never-married parents are often younger, have lower levels of education, and earn less income. For example, 60% of children living with a single mother are at or near the poverty line, compared to 45% of those with divorced mothers (U.S. Census, 1997).
