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Peer relationships become increasingly important and have a more profound impact on development during middle childhood and adolescence. Before diving into how peer relationships develop, it’s important to recognize that we often behave differently when we are part of a group compared to when we are alone.

How do we act differently in a group?

When you think of how we act differently in a group, one example is hazing, which is not uncommon when someone tries to join a specific club or team. Unfortunately, some hazing rituals can be dangerous, even leading to injury or death. Often, people who know those involved are shocked by the behavior and wonder how such things could have happened. Part of the explanation lies in the psychological effects of group dynamics.

When we are in a group, we tend to experience a reduction in self-awareness and are less likely to hold ourselves accountable to personal moral standards. This process, known as deindividuation, can lead to behaviors we might not engage in on our own. In group settings, individuals are also more likely to take risks.

Another example is vandalism following high school football games. While it might seem uncharacteristic of individual students, such behavior can sometimes be explained by groupthink—the tendency of a group to make poor decisions in order to maintain group cohesion and unity. Groupthink is especially likely when the group is under pressure, feels threatened, or holds strong biases. In these cases, critical thinking is often replaced by conformity, and individuals may suppress dissenting opinions in favor of maintaining harmony within the group. Part of the reason we have group think is due to socio-conformity, referring to the pressure to change your behavior or belief in order to fit in with a group.

Theories on friendship development

How our friendship evolves overtime is a topic many has been interested in. We will focus on two theories on how friendship evolves overtime.

Bigelow and La Gaipa’s stages of friendship

Bigelow and La Gaipa (1975) outline three stages to children’s conceptualization of friendship.

In stage one, reward-cost, friendship focuses on mutual activities. Children in early, middle, and late childhood all emphasize similar interests as the main characteristics of a good friend.

Stage two, normative expectation, focuses on conventional morality; that is, the emphasis is on a friend as someone who is kind and shares with you. Clark and Bittle (1992) found that fifth graders emphasized this in a friend more than third or eighth graders.

In the final stage, empathy and understanding, friends are people who are loyal, committed to the relationship, and share intimate information. Clark and Bittle (1992) reported eighth graders emphasized this more in a friend. They also found that as early as fifth grade, girls were starting to include a sharing of secrets, and not betraying confidences as crucial to someone who is a friend.

Selman’s stages of friendship

Selman (1980) outlines five stages of friendship from early childhood through to adulthood.

In stage 1, momentary physical interaction, a friend is someone who you are playing with at this point in time. Selman notes that this is typical of children between the ages of three and six. These early friendships are based more on circumstances (e.g., a neighbor) than on genuine similarities.

In stage 2, one-way assistance, a friend is someone who does nice things for you, such as saving you a seat on the school bus or sharing a toy. However, children in this stage, do not always think about what they are contributing to the relationships. Nonetheless, having a friend is important and children will sometimes put up with a not so nice friend, just to have a friend. Children as young as five and as old as nine may be in this stage.

In stage 3, fair- weather cooperation, children are very concerned with fairness and reciprocity, and thus, a friend is someone returns a favor. In this stage, if a child does something nice for a friend there is an expectation that the friend will do something nice for them at the first available opportunity. When this fails to happen, a child may break off the friendship. Selman found that some children as young as seven and as old as twelve are in this stage.

In stage 4, intimate and mutual sharing, typically between the ages of eight and fifteen, a friend is someone who you can tell them things you would tell no one else. Children and teens in this stage no longer “keep score”, and do things for a friend because they genuinely care for the person. If a friendship dissolves in the stage it is usually due to a violation of trust. However, children in this stage do expect their friend to share similar interests and viewpoints and may take it as a betrayal if a friend likes someone that they do not.

In stage 5, autonomous interdependence, a friend is someone who accepts you and that you accept as they are. In this stage children, teens, and adults accept and even appreciate differences between themselves and their friends. They are also not as possessive, so they are less likely to feel threatened if their friends have other relationships or interests. Children are typically twelve or older in this stage.

As you can see, both theories suggest that middle childhood and adolescence are key periods of advancement in children’s understanding of friendship. During these stages, peer relationships evolve beyond simple physical interaction to include deeper emotional and social connections. This theoretical perspective aligns with real-world observations: as children grow older, they spend increasing amounts of time with peers, and these relationships become more significant and meaningful in their social and emotional development. We will further discuss these changes in this chapter.

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Middle Childhood and Adolescent Psychology Copyright © 2025 by Qiushan Liu is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License, except where otherwise noted.

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